The First, Big Barrier

We live in a culture where some emotions are believed to be “acceptable” and “allowed” and some are not, typically for certain groups of people. For example, farmers are supposed to be strong and not depressed, women are supposed to be gentle and not angry, men are supposed to be tough and not sad.

But what if you are a farmer and you feel depressed, or a woman and feel angry, or a man and feel sad?

The result is shame.

And you might begin to think along the lines of: “I’m not supposed to feel this way. I’m a bad farmer/woman/man/boss/parent/son/daughter/friend/spouse/etc. because I feel this way.”

So we push away our emotions. Ignore them. Bury them. Run from them. Deny them. Because we aren’t supposed to feel this way.

The result of that is unprocessed emotions that are stored inside your bodymind. This can show up as feeling unsettled; chronic stress; exhaustion; disease; illness; physical manifestations such as aches and pains, rashes, autoimmune conditions, stomach ulcers, digestion problems, hormone imbalances…you get the picture - nothing pleasant.

If you want to decrease stress and be happier and healthier, you have to overcome this first, big barrier - shame.

How do you do that?

First of all, set an intention to be gentle and kind with yourself as you explore these next steps. This is very important. There is a part of you that is desperately trying to help you belong to this group of people or be a good (fill in the blank), given the set of rules or beliefs it is trying to operate under. That’s why it is denying this emotion, so you feel “good” and a sense of belonging. This part of you isn’t trying to hurt you - it’s trying to help you. Being rough and dictatorial with yourself now is hurtful.

Secondly, ask yourself, where/when/how did I learn that this emotion wasn’t okay/acceptable/allowed?

Then ask, “Is that true? Is it true that this emotion is not allowed?” And you might answer “no, it’s not true.” Or you might answer, “Yes, it is true, because that’s what I learned!”

Finally ask, “Is it REALLY true?”

Is it really true that farmers are supposed to be strong? Is it true that they can only be strong? All the time? Why is that true?

Is it really true that women are supposed to be gentle? Is it true that they can only be gentle? All the time? Why?

Is it really true that men are supposed to be tough? Only tough? All the time? Why?

This line of questioning and reflection helps to reduce shame by providing some grey in otherwise black-and-white thinking; it allows for some flexibility to otherwise rigid beliefs that were founded on oftentimes flimsy “truths”.

Once the first, big barrier of shame is overcome, a sense of acceptance usually naturally flows. By accepting that you are feeling what you are feeling, healing can happen and you will begin to feel less stressed, happier and healthier.

Shame can be a big barrier to overcome by yourself, so let’s work together. Get my undivided attention and work with me, one-on-one. Start with a FREE 30-min discovery call, here.

Here’s to conquering stress.

With heart,

Louise

The Stress Experts