6 Keys to Forgiveness
“Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” - Unknown
Holding on to guilt, resentment, blame, and anger is toxic. Literally. These emotions produce a physiological affect on the body that causes physical symptoms, decreases brain function, and causes disharmony in yourself and your other relationships.
Forgiveness isn’t done for the person who wronged you. It’s done for you.
Forgiveness is tough. If it was easy then that would defeat the purpose. We all have someone to forgive. Here’s the 6 keys of forgiveness.
- Be humble. C’mon, admit it. You’re not perfect. You’ve had your screw ups and break downs. You’ve dropped the ball. You’ve hurt others. You’ve done nothing and you’ve done something. Even if it wasn’t so big, it was probably a big deal to someone. You’ve wrecked someone’s day and you’ve failed to make someone’s day. Eat that humble pie.
- Be grateful. Someone has forgiven you. After you’ve made a mistake, after you screwed up, after you hurt someone - human or heavenly, they’ve forgiven you. By all rights, they didn’t have to forgive you, but they did. And if they forgave you, you can forgive someone too.
- Be compassionate. No one wakes up, yawns, stretches, and says, “Well today is a fine day to mess someone’s day up!” No one intentionally goes about wrecking someone. Everyone tries to be happy. Sometimes we just do that the wrong way, and we bowl others over. Just recognize that the other person is likely going through something, just like you are.
- Be respectful. Yup. They done messed up. Maybe they’ve messed up lots. But inside that human being is a beating heart, a mind, a spirit, a soul, a spark of light, a higher self. I don’t really care what you call it but inside every human is the best version of that person. And that demands some respect.
- Be a conduit. Forgiveness is a form of love. Love is meant to flow. When you fail to forgive, you block the flow of love. Blocking the flow of love limits your ability to love and be loved. Even though you’re trying to cut the other person off from love, it’s essentially you that gets cut off from life-giving love. How do you make this forgiveness happen? You don’t. You just allow the flow.
Forgiveness Conduit Technique
Focus your attention on your heart. Imagine that all around you is love. Inhale that love from around you into your heart. Exhale, sending that love from your heart to theirs. Continue until you feel a sense of inner peace.
Inhale love, exhale love. It’s not like you have to manufacture the love inside you. You just breathe it in from the Source of love. And you just breathe it out. It’s not your love to give. You’re just a conduit. From the best version of your self, to the best version of their self.
None of the above keys or the Forgiveness Conduit Technique will be any good to you without the 6th and final key:
6. Be Sincere. If you don’t want to forgive, then you’ll never forgive. It’s that simple. Sometimes we hesitate to forgive because then it’s like we are condoning what was done. But that’s not the case. Forgiveness is not the same as condoning. Forgiveness is something you’ll have to do over and over. You won’t forgive someone in one shot. It’s a choice you’ll always have to make, in every relationship you’ll ever have.
“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” - Lewis B Smedes
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